New Year, New Me?

We start off every New Year with the best of intentions. We set our resolutions. We load our grocery carts full of vegetables, check out a stack of personal development books at the library, join the 5 AM club, and head to the gym. So why is it that come February, we are back to being elbow deep in a box of Cheez-Its at midnight rewatching Friends?

If this sounds like you, you are not alone. According to a study by Ohio State University, most of us don’t keep our resolutions. 23% of us toss in the towel after a week, 43% by the start of February, with only a measly 9% of us following through with this whole “New Year New Me” mumbo jumbo.

In this post, we are going to take a look at why.

It’s Me. Hi! I’m the problem; it’s me.

I work in marketing. And whenever I develop a strategy for a client, the first thing I do is look at where they are. Today. I look over their current financials, read every bit of marketing material, analyze their website, social media presence, interview team members, research their market and their competitors. This allows me to see what I am working with. And what direction I need to head to help them achieve their goals.

The same holds true for real estate. When a person approaches Jenny Brock and asks her how much their house is worth, she isn’t going to just spout off a random number. Sure, we would all love to sell our homes for a million dollars, but if the deck is falling apart, it is next to the airport, and the median house price in the neighborhood is $325,000? Well, Jenny is fantastic, but she isn’t a magician. So a million dollar price tag would set that seller up for disappointment.

So first and foremost, I tell people when setting goals, the first thing they have to do is take a radically honest look at WHO THEY ARE and WHERE THEY ARE. Which is great. Because if we are the problem, then we are the solution too.

So who are you?

While this big existential question is larger than the scope of a blog post, we can definitely help you ask the right questions to figure it out.  There are a million personality assessment tools out there. Myers-Brigg. The Enneagram. DISC. And while this is all excellent information, what I want to know as you reflect upon the context in which you will be setting goals is: WHAT MATTERS TO YOU?  What values do you value?

Brene Brown does a GREAT job of helping people define their own core values in her book “Dare to Lead.” She gives a long list of personal values which you can find by clicking this link. No one value is more noble than the other. It is a benefit to society at large that we all are wired differently. But I want to know what matters most. TO YOU. Because if you want to meet your goals, they should be goals that reflect who you are.

When I chose my personal values, it was hard. I value authenticity, joy, humor, creativity, honesty, faith, and responsibility. But as I step into each of those values, they are really just a reflection of the two things that matter most to me: kindness and generosity. So if I set goals that are contrary to me being kind or generous? I WILL FAIL. For example, I once set a goal of waking up everyday at 4:30 am so that I could work out before I woke my kids at 6. Well, within six weeks, I was failing because it is impossible for me to be kind or generous to anyone by 3 pm if I woke up that early.

So take a look at Brene’s list and pick your two core values.

BUT WHERE ARE YOU?

This one is a little more tricky. But we gotta know where you are if we want to get you to where you want to be. After all, the directions to Denver from Richmond are the exact opposite of the directions to Denver from San Francisco.

With my consulting clients, I figure out where they are by performing an audit. In business, we call it a SWOT. SWOT stands for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. I do this so that when I set a strategy, I take into account all of those very things.

So, let’s do that. But with ourselves.  If you follow this link, you’ll find some resources to make it easier for you on my website.

As you go through these questions, it does not help you to be dishonest. There is no room for self-deprecation, imposter syndrome, or modesty. Nor is it helpful if you fall prey to the Dunning-Krugar effect wherein we overestimate our abilities. Oftentimes it is helpful to have a trusted friend weigh in. They probably have a good read on what your strengths are. If you’re a parent, do NOT ask your teenagers to weigh in. We should only accept feedback from people whose opinions we respect, are kind, and are striving themselves.

PERSONAL SWOT

Strengths:

• What do you do better than others?
• What do you have access to that others do not?
• What accomplishments are you proud of?
• What do others see as your strengths?
• What do you brush off as easy that others value?

Weaknesses:

• Where do you fall behind compared to others?
• Where do you lack confidence in your skills or training?
• What are you not comfortable doing?
• What do you put off and dread doing?
• What do others see as your weaknesses?

Opportunities:

• Is there a need no one is filling?
• What do you hear people complaining about?
• Are there people you can collaborate with?
• Are there new technologies that can help you?
• Are there trends you can capitalize on?
• Where can you flip a weakness on its head?

Weaknesses:

• What obstacles are you currently facing?
• What problems do you see developing?
• What weaknesses could lead to threats?
• What is outside of your control that hinders growth?
• What eats up your time?
• What changes are you anticipating?

Resist the urge to see any of these categories as wholly good or wholly bad. Both strengths and weaknesses provide opportunities. Your weaknesses are where you have the greatest ground to gain. Your threats will force you to level up your game. Often it is our threats that demand the most growth. Embrace all of your answers.

Now Set Those Goals.

Remember who you are. You have your 2 core values.

Remember where you are. How will your goals boost your strengths, acknowledge your weaknesses, take opportunities, and accommodate your threats?

Tackling your goals this way can reduce friction and keep resentment at bay regarding your weaknesses and threats. For example, I am a single mom with 4 teenagers. If I am being honest, sometimes that load leads to resentment. I’ve spent time resenting the fact that I can’t take jobs that require overnight travel. But within this paradigm, those 4 mostly sweet teens are seen as a threat to my time. Well, threats I accommodate for. So I can either take the travel jobs and hire someone to stay with my kids or not, but it is simple enough to set goals that accommodate for that. They aren’t actually a threat, simply where I am. Today.

We are going to set goals in 4 arenas of our lives: Health, Relationships, Personal Development, and Calling. I’ve specifically chosen the word “Relationships” over “Family” to allow inclusion for friendships, marriage, singlehood, and family (both parents and children). And I’ve chosen the word “Calling” over “Career” in acknowledgement of the fact that maybe what we do for money is not what we are passionate about. Or perhaps we have the hardest job of all, staying home with young children, but our heart yearns for more. This area is where those types of goals should go.

Aim to set 5 goals in each of these areas. That will give you 20 goals.

Take those 20 goals and order them in order of importance to you, the way in which they best reflect your core values, and desire. Circle which goal from each category calls to you the loudest. You should have 4 goals selected.

Now pick 2.

That’s right. You get two goals.

Wait. We just did all this work for 2 measly goals?

Well let me tell you a secret. It’s called the “1 in 60 Rule”. When flying a plane, a pilot knows that a one-degree change in direction over the course of 60 miles equals a change in direction of one mile. So if they change one measly little degree, their entire course changes. Similarly, when you change one thing, yes, only one thing, your course will change dramatically as well. The other goals will come.

A word on what “achieving your goals” looks like.

Churchill defined success as moving from one failure to another without losing momentum. Successful people are resilient people. Innovators fail. A lot. There is ground to be gained in failing forward. If you aren’t falling down some when reaching for your goals, your goals aren’t big enough. Learn from your mistakes and get up off the mat. Perfection is not the goal—excellence is.

This blog was written by EJ Phillips, the marketing consultant for Jenny Brock Realty with EJ Creates Consulting, LLC. If you’d like to have her come lead your team through some goal setting, reach out to her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. She’s funny and will make goal setting something you look forward to each year.